the best years...take 2.

I decided over a year ago that I wanted to write about my college years. Actually, somewhere in the abyss of my mind, I decided it before I even graduated. On the surface it seems like it should be easy enough. But will I ever be able to give those years the justice they deserve? And if I can, then comes the hard part - narrowing it down to the events that matter most, because in 4 years at my beloved Alma Mater, I had enough (mis)adventures to fill a library.

So what do I write about? Do I write about the 20 or so of us who ran around campus together as Freshman, like we were invincible? The newness of everything still fresh in our minds, just starting out on our adventure. The Codorus Girls and the Evergreen boys - we thought it would go on forever. I could easily capture the newness of it all, the struggle to adjust to life with out parents and siblings, aunts and uncles. How from day 1, we started to feel like a family and high school started to become a distant thing of the past, so easily forgotten .

I could also right about our tumultuous Sophomore year, once the newness had worn off but the end was still no where in sight. The "hump" year. Not Freshman, we knew the routines and the dailiness, but we weren't quite upperclassmen thinking about what would come after. For me, it was the year of J and A, two of my best friends. Two girls who I have the dream friendship with. When Julie and I are together, we speak a language that only Ashley can sometimes understand. It's funny how much of that year they consume, especially when considering that they would have such little impact on my last two years of school, but have, since graduation, come back to once again be 2 of the people I trust most in this world. Two people with whom time never changes our friendship - months can pass with out talking and then a phone call changes everything, and nothing has changed between us. Two people who I can't imagine my life with out.

Or maybe I should start with Junior Year - the year of the Alpha Lambdas. The end was slowly starting to creep into our vision, but it was still so far away that it hardly seemed tangible. The year of Phi Sig - when the 5 of us became who we are today. In some ways, it definitely feels like it's where I started to become the person I am today, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that with out the Alpha Lambdas, I have no idea who I would be today. That year definitely holds a special place in my heart, and I will forever look on with with happiness. It's hard to believe that yesterday marked three years since it began. In some ways, it seems like just yesterday we were pledging, getting in, I can still remember everything about that time, and as much as we complained about all the work at the time, I know that I personally wouldn't change a thing. On the other hand, i can hardly remember a time before I knew them. Before we were the "creepers." the Lambs. The Furious Five. I often wonder too what role Marina would play in it all if she hadn't left school and refused to stay in touch. We wouldn't be the Furious Five, that's for sure. The Sassy Six maybe?

Or maybe, I should write about the end - Senior year. The 4 O's. Really, it's more than senior year, it's the summer after Junior year, the year we lived at the 300 Zoo. When the 4 of us were inseparable, we still had our Lambdas, but the O's were different. We were roommates, they were my best friends. I probably miss the year on 300 more than any of the other years, although I think it's extremely safe to say that with out the first three years happening the way they did, I doubt that the fourth year would have much significance. The year was passed on the porch, cups in hand. It was passed with inside jokes, laughter and knowing that before we could blink, graduation would be here and it would all be over.

I look back on my college years as the best four years of my life, even though it has been a little over a year since it has ended. I haven’t written any thing substantial in a long time, aside from blog entries, and I want to capture these 4 years before I forget them. Because that is my greatest fear - forgetting one second more of this time. I know some moments have already faded from my memory - things that are seemingly insignificant but truly helped to define the person I have grown into.

We entered as children, completely on our own for the first time in our lives. The choices we made during these years led us down paths. Some of these paths we forged together, others we traveled alone. But through it all we were there for each other. We left as “adults” ready to face the world and what ever it would bring. At least, that is what we were told as our identity as college students was stripped away from us - whether we were ready or not.

It felt as though we weren’t ready, but the events that have happened since than have proved that maybe we are ready to take on the roads and lives that lie ahead of us. Like we have a choice in the matter.

That is the story I want to capture - the little moments. Those moments that to an outsider, may seem like a forgettable, completely unremarkable encounter, but to me are the snippets of time I wish to hold onto more than anything. The moments passed on the porch, in the sorority house, where time almost felt like it was standing still to give us another moment to savor, but in reality it was hurling us forward into the unknown.

Friendship Part Deux: Bonding

I though my friendship with Missy was strong. She was my best friend throughout late elementary school right on until the end of my first semester of college. We only went to school together for half of one of those 9.5 years. We thought our friendship could survive anything. In the end, the circumstances that pulled us a part were so benign that now, 4 years later, neither of us remembers what happened - only the hurt.

It's safe to say that I was pretty much Missy's only friend, and while I had other friends, there were none that I trusted to the extent that I trusted her. She was a bit on the weird side, unashamed of who she was whereas I was trying to find my place and not really sure who I was or what I wanted. Ultimately, we did not have as much of a bond as we thought. Once we both had other close confidants in our lives (her bf for her, B for me) our friendship fell apart in a matter of months.

Then there's B - she's been my best friend since our senior year of high school. Specifically, since 11/26/03. It was the first time we hung out. My friend Elly and I had tickets to see John Mayer in Baltimore, a 3 hour drive away. Our friend Maggie was supposed to come with us, but backed out the morning of the concert. When I got to Elly's house after school, she told me. We didn't want to waste a ticket, and suddenly I had an idea. B was in my French class, and we'd exchanged numbers that morning for a project. I knew she was a big John Mayer fan and had been jealous of us going to the concert. I decided what the hell and called her to ask her if she wanted to come along with us.
We're been best friends ever since. Bonding over Come Back to Bed and Your Body is a Wonderland will do that to somebody.

I met Jule the second day of my freshman year of college - she lived downstairs and came to a "Get To Know You" party we had in K's room (where most of our significant freshman year memories take place.) It wouldn't be until the next semester that we became friends. We had French class together, and as a freshman, there is nothing worse than having a class where you don't know anyone. Jule sat down in the seat next to me, and we said hello to each other. I asked her if she lived in my dorm, and we've been friends ever since.
We have one of those friendships that is extremely annoying - our brains operate on the same wave length. One can say the craziest thing and the other will still know exactly what she means. We finish each other's sentences and live in our own little world. The only person who comes close to our mental planet is Ash. She usually runs the translations for others in the room. We were known to multiple people as "GirlandJulie" - one word. Our French teacher, who we had for a total of 3 consecutive semesters, didn't know one of us if the other wasn't there.
We're not as close now, but it's something we're working on. She is one of the few people that I know will always be there - we can go months with out talking, but once we can get the other on the phone, it is exactly like it used to be. It's like no time has passed.

Blog Event - On Friendship

PurpleGypsy is holding a blog event on life evaluations, and today's topic is friendship.

Friendship is a constant theme on my blog. It's something I talk about on a fairly regular basis.

That being said, I've had multiple people that I've referred to as my "best friend" over the years. My Best friend forBFF. We can go back to preschool - Tara, or even early elementary school - Ari.

Then there were the groups of friends - the FGS (fourth grade sensations - gotta love Judy Blume or upper elementary, the Llamas of middle/high school. The Fab4 of senior year.

It must be a girl thing to name your group of friends. One group, however, seems to be a constant.

I'm a pretty shy person, normally. It takes me a while to warm up to a situation, to be comfortable and let my real self show.

In the Fall of 2006, my best friend and roommate, K, wanted to pledge a sorority. I had no interest, but agreed to go with her as moral support. What I found was my 4 best friends.

I made many close friends in the sorority, and have quite a few outside. But none of them have been like my pledge sisters. We have a bond that I don't have with any other friends. This time, 3 years ago, we were getting to know each other. Who knew the bonds that would form between us at the time. We're all extremely different - the Nerd, the Slut, the Drama Queen, the Prissy Bitch, the Ghetto Girl - on the outside there is nothing that links us together. In fact, there are probably more differences than similarities.

The only thing that I can think of is that these girls have seen me fall apart. They've seen me a crying mess on the floor, they've seen me euphorically happy and laughing, they've seen facets of me I don't realize exist, and everything in between.

They're the people I run to when I’m having a bad day, when I need help, when I have a funny story to share. They're the girls who, at our formal, yelled at my date for being a jerk. The girls who when my car broke down on the PA turnpike at two a.m. drove the hour and 45 minutes to pick me up, no questions asked. The girls who picked me up when my heart got broken, and put the pieces back together. I can say a million things about them, how they’ve helped me, what I’ve done for them, and I still wouldn’t be giving it justice. I’ve often heard it said that college is when you meet the people you don’t know how you ever lived with out. And I have yet to find any truer words.

Profound thought of the day:

"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past,
a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world."
- Lois Wyse

One of my college roommates had this posted as her away message on aim today.
I miss her. I miss all of them. I miss the craziness of the 300 Zoo and the awesome year that we all lived together. It was senior year of college, and we knew the end of life as we knew it was in sight. (Yes, it sounds dramatic, but when something as significant as college graduation is coming, it IS dramatic) We drank too much, skipped class too often, laughed way too loud and made too many memories to name. It was the perfect senior year. The best way to end college. We were the 4 O's and J, plus Rosie and Posie. The 4 of us who spent the summer at 300 had a special bond - one we thought would last forever.
It didn't. M and C stopped speaking to me and K - and although C and I are talking again, a little, it's nothing like it was. I miss them both more than I can describe. K and I talk about it a lot. We had one of those friendships where we were one unit. We knew where the other 3 were at every time - and we were always laughing. No drama. A lot of laughter.
I miss it.
Most of the time they were simple things - the night that J and K got into a fight, M and her bf had just broken up, my crush decided I wasn't good enough and C had some family drama going on - we watched sad episodes of Grey's and cried together.
Or those awesome summer nights when we had the music blasting on our porch and we danced, beers in hand. And when school started serenading drunken freshman...for the fun of it. We had prime freshman watching land - right on the corner near the freshman dorms and smack dab in the middle of the party street.
Or the late nights playing drunk bus and laughing hysterically at M for insisting she wasn't drunk.

The memories, to anyone else, would seem unimportant, completely insignificant. But when you really look at them, they are what true friendships are made of.

Are there few things...

that a day with your best friends can't fix? Is there anything a day with your friends can't fix? B, K and I spent the whole day watching movies. And we went to the castle park (a huge playground with old-fashioned wooden structures), stalked out our sorority sisters on campus and went out for sushi.
I felt so much better in so many ways. I wasn't stressing out about money issues, or family issues (even though a few more did in fact pop up today) or the daunting job hunt. I just enjoyed spending time with two of my favorite people.

My cousin Ar asked me if they were my best friends now instead of B. And I really thought about it. Are they? It's true, when I'm in crisis I turn to them first. They're the people i hang out with most, and i talked to each of them daily. Have they replaced B as my best friend?
I guess on the surface that's what it seems like, but the truth is it's really more complicated than that. When you're a child, it's black and white, you have your best friend, you have your other friends. As an adult, it's gets more complicated. I have my best friend since high school, I have my best friends from college, and they are important to me in different ways.

The lambdas...We've changed a lot in the 3 years the 5 of us have been friends. Our friendship has changed a lot, but the core of it is still there. We've been to Hell and back together, and I can't really think of anyone who I have ever been more comfortable around. We're completely honest with each other, to the point of brutality sometimes. We laugh way too loud and always seem to cause a bit of trouble where ever we go...but that's what makes us, us.