the best years...take 2.

I decided over a year ago that I wanted to write about my college years. Actually, somewhere in the abyss of my mind, I decided it before I even graduated. On the surface it seems like it should be easy enough. But will I ever be able to give those years the justice they deserve? And if I can, then comes the hard part - narrowing it down to the events that matter most, because in 4 years at my beloved Alma Mater, I had enough (mis)adventures to fill a library.

So what do I write about? Do I write about the 20 or so of us who ran around campus together as Freshman, like we were invincible? The newness of everything still fresh in our minds, just starting out on our adventure. The Codorus Girls and the Evergreen boys - we thought it would go on forever. I could easily capture the newness of it all, the struggle to adjust to life with out parents and siblings, aunts and uncles. How from day 1, we started to feel like a family and high school started to become a distant thing of the past, so easily forgotten .

I could also right about our tumultuous Sophomore year, once the newness had worn off but the end was still no where in sight. The "hump" year. Not Freshman, we knew the routines and the dailiness, but we weren't quite upperclassmen thinking about what would come after. For me, it was the year of J and A, two of my best friends. Two girls who I have the dream friendship with. When Julie and I are together, we speak a language that only Ashley can sometimes understand. It's funny how much of that year they consume, especially when considering that they would have such little impact on my last two years of school, but have, since graduation, come back to once again be 2 of the people I trust most in this world. Two people with whom time never changes our friendship - months can pass with out talking and then a phone call changes everything, and nothing has changed between us. Two people who I can't imagine my life with out.

Or maybe I should start with Junior Year - the year of the Alpha Lambdas. The end was slowly starting to creep into our vision, but it was still so far away that it hardly seemed tangible. The year of Phi Sig - when the 5 of us became who we are today. In some ways, it definitely feels like it's where I started to become the person I am today, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that with out the Alpha Lambdas, I have no idea who I would be today. That year definitely holds a special place in my heart, and I will forever look on with with happiness. It's hard to believe that yesterday marked three years since it began. In some ways, it seems like just yesterday we were pledging, getting in, I can still remember everything about that time, and as much as we complained about all the work at the time, I know that I personally wouldn't change a thing. On the other hand, i can hardly remember a time before I knew them. Before we were the "creepers." the Lambs. The Furious Five. I often wonder too what role Marina would play in it all if she hadn't left school and refused to stay in touch. We wouldn't be the Furious Five, that's for sure. The Sassy Six maybe?

Or maybe, I should write about the end - Senior year. The 4 O's. Really, it's more than senior year, it's the summer after Junior year, the year we lived at the 300 Zoo. When the 4 of us were inseparable, we still had our Lambdas, but the O's were different. We were roommates, they were my best friends. I probably miss the year on 300 more than any of the other years, although I think it's extremely safe to say that with out the first three years happening the way they did, I doubt that the fourth year would have much significance. The year was passed on the porch, cups in hand. It was passed with inside jokes, laughter and knowing that before we could blink, graduation would be here and it would all be over.

I look back on my college years as the best four years of my life, even though it has been a little over a year since it has ended. I haven’t written any thing substantial in a long time, aside from blog entries, and I want to capture these 4 years before I forget them. Because that is my greatest fear - forgetting one second more of this time. I know some moments have already faded from my memory - things that are seemingly insignificant but truly helped to define the person I have grown into.

We entered as children, completely on our own for the first time in our lives. The choices we made during these years led us down paths. Some of these paths we forged together, others we traveled alone. But through it all we were there for each other. We left as “adults” ready to face the world and what ever it would bring. At least, that is what we were told as our identity as college students was stripped away from us - whether we were ready or not.

It felt as though we weren’t ready, but the events that have happened since than have proved that maybe we are ready to take on the roads and lives that lie ahead of us. Like we have a choice in the matter.

That is the story I want to capture - the little moments. Those moments that to an outsider, may seem like a forgettable, completely unremarkable encounter, but to me are the snippets of time I wish to hold onto more than anything. The moments passed on the porch, in the sorority house, where time almost felt like it was standing still to give us another moment to savor, but in reality it was hurling us forward into the unknown.

Friendship Part Deux: Bonding

I though my friendship with Missy was strong. She was my best friend throughout late elementary school right on until the end of my first semester of college. We only went to school together for half of one of those 9.5 years. We thought our friendship could survive anything. In the end, the circumstances that pulled us a part were so benign that now, 4 years later, neither of us remembers what happened - only the hurt.

It's safe to say that I was pretty much Missy's only friend, and while I had other friends, there were none that I trusted to the extent that I trusted her. She was a bit on the weird side, unashamed of who she was whereas I was trying to find my place and not really sure who I was or what I wanted. Ultimately, we did not have as much of a bond as we thought. Once we both had other close confidants in our lives (her bf for her, B for me) our friendship fell apart in a matter of months.

Then there's B - she's been my best friend since our senior year of high school. Specifically, since 11/26/03. It was the first time we hung out. My friend Elly and I had tickets to see John Mayer in Baltimore, a 3 hour drive away. Our friend Maggie was supposed to come with us, but backed out the morning of the concert. When I got to Elly's house after school, she told me. We didn't want to waste a ticket, and suddenly I had an idea. B was in my French class, and we'd exchanged numbers that morning for a project. I knew she was a big John Mayer fan and had been jealous of us going to the concert. I decided what the hell and called her to ask her if she wanted to come along with us.
We're been best friends ever since. Bonding over Come Back to Bed and Your Body is a Wonderland will do that to somebody.

I met Jule the second day of my freshman year of college - she lived downstairs and came to a "Get To Know You" party we had in K's room (where most of our significant freshman year memories take place.) It wouldn't be until the next semester that we became friends. We had French class together, and as a freshman, there is nothing worse than having a class where you don't know anyone. Jule sat down in the seat next to me, and we said hello to each other. I asked her if she lived in my dorm, and we've been friends ever since.
We have one of those friendships that is extremely annoying - our brains operate on the same wave length. One can say the craziest thing and the other will still know exactly what she means. We finish each other's sentences and live in our own little world. The only person who comes close to our mental planet is Ash. She usually runs the translations for others in the room. We were known to multiple people as "GirlandJulie" - one word. Our French teacher, who we had for a total of 3 consecutive semesters, didn't know one of us if the other wasn't there.
We're not as close now, but it's something we're working on. She is one of the few people that I know will always be there - we can go months with out talking, but once we can get the other on the phone, it is exactly like it used to be. It's like no time has passed.

The first weekend of October...

...at YCP, this undoubtedly means ALUMNI WEEKEND. the one weekend each semester where 90% of recent (read:within the past 4 years) come back to relive their college years with the friends who have yet to graduate.

I'm excited beyond belief to see my friends - some of them, I haven't seen since graduation.
There are few things more bittersweet then getting to relive a piece of the best 4 years of your life. I plan to enjoy the sweet part a lot more than the bitter this weekend.

Profound thought of the day:

"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past,
a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world."
- Lois Wyse

One of my college roommates had this posted as her away message on aim today.
I miss her. I miss all of them. I miss the craziness of the 300 Zoo and the awesome year that we all lived together. It was senior year of college, and we knew the end of life as we knew it was in sight. (Yes, it sounds dramatic, but when something as significant as college graduation is coming, it IS dramatic) We drank too much, skipped class too often, laughed way too loud and made too many memories to name. It was the perfect senior year. The best way to end college. We were the 4 O's and J, plus Rosie and Posie. The 4 of us who spent the summer at 300 had a special bond - one we thought would last forever.
It didn't. M and C stopped speaking to me and K - and although C and I are talking again, a little, it's nothing like it was. I miss them both more than I can describe. K and I talk about it a lot. We had one of those friendships where we were one unit. We knew where the other 3 were at every time - and we were always laughing. No drama. A lot of laughter.
I miss it.
Most of the time they were simple things - the night that J and K got into a fight, M and her bf had just broken up, my crush decided I wasn't good enough and C had some family drama going on - we watched sad episodes of Grey's and cried together.
Or those awesome summer nights when we had the music blasting on our porch and we danced, beers in hand. And when school started serenading drunken freshman...for the fun of it. We had prime freshman watching land - right on the corner near the freshman dorms and smack dab in the middle of the party street.
Or the late nights playing drunk bus and laughing hysterically at M for insisting she wasn't drunk.

The memories, to anyone else, would seem unimportant, completely insignificant. But when you really look at them, they are what true friendships are made of.

Avoidance should really be my middle name.

I'm a true procrastinator in every sense of the word. I put things off until the last possible minute, every time, never fail. It's how I deal with confrontation.

I avoid avoid avoid. The messy bathroom? been messy for over a week. The books the cat knocked off the book shelf last week? still on the floor. The pile of clothes? Sitting across the room from the laundry basket. Matilda's litter box? scooped it on Thursday.

Guy I've decided I don't want to talk to anymore? avoid. Bad hookup who wants to do it again? run the other way when I see him. Mother who's trying to get in touch with me? don't answer her 4 emails, 9 phones calls, 4 text messages and 2 wall posts to my facebook (although in my defense it's because i dont want to say something i will regret in 10 years)

I know it's a problem, and I know that I need to stop being such a wuss and grow a set. But I can't help but think about the times I've faced something head on...like the mess referred to by my friends as the St. Patrick's Day Incident that Never Happened of 08. (oh yes, there is more than one SPDItNH..March 17th has never been my finest day..)

The week before St. Patty's Day, I met this guy, who we'll call WWIT*. Wwit was nice, albeit slightly dorky (just the way I like them) and better yet: socially awkward enough to make me the more outgoing party. We talked a little, and then I made the mistake of mentioning to one of my friends that I thought Wwit was slightly cute.
She told me that he was a good friend of hers, had never kissed a girl, and then ran off to organize the hookup. She always had a big mouth, damn her. There was no way I was hooking up with someone who had never kissed a girl at 22.
4 shots of tequila and 2 cherry bombs later, I decided that a kissing virgin was better than nothing and proceeded to talk to him for the rest of the night. A little after 2, I decided my roommate would be asleep and I could drag him home. We get up to my room, and all of the sudden I have to pee. I mumble something about having to pee, come downstairs and look in the mirror.
My hot and smokey eyes look a little smeared..ok more then a little. They look like raccoon eyes, and my face is bright red as it always is when I'm drunk. But really. I don't think he's in any position to complain and after my 6 month makeout dry spell, I really don't care. So I head back upstairs and pray hes as drunk as I am.
I open the door. He's naked. on my bed. at half mass.

WTF?

I close the door, open it again, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. And sure enough, there he is. still naked.
I can't help it. I start to laugh.
Apparently, this is offensive, as suddenly he's not even at half mass.
Wwit asks me if i'm always like this before sex.
I ask him if he always expects sex before any foreplay.
He asks me to define what I mean by foreplay.
I tell him to put his clothes on and i'll show him.
In my drunken state, this still seems doable.
He gets dressed and I attempt to makeout with him. He informs me that he doesn't enjoy kissing, but prefers to get right into other stuff and proceeds to start groping me.
And I think wow, he might not be into kissing, but he must have some inborn instinct about how to move his mouth around a boob.
And then the pants come off. And I suddenly have to pee again.
Go back downstairs, and pass out on the bathroom floor**
When I come back upstairs in the morning, he's gone.
It's a fairly small campus, but fortunately for me I never see Wwit on campus since he is a business major and never has classes in the Humanities and Life Science buildings. My friend who originally introduced us told me that he had a great time and wants to do it again. I am completely flabbergasted. WTF? Is he INSANE? Or did he time-travel and assume that I am the owner of his v-card?

The next weekend, St. Patty's Day weekend. Kegs and eggs at the college bar, a pastime at my school. My roommates and I manage to get a table, and are sitting there when Wwit comes in with his friends. I quickly hide under the table. Avoidance #1 is successful, he doesn't see me.

Later that day, we're on our porch doing Irish car bombs and drinking green beer*** when Wwit is walking down the street, again with his friends (later find out they are his roommates). I run into the house and stay hidden, hoping he has just kept walking by instead of stopping by to see if I'm home. Avoidance #2 is a success.

Later that night, at the bar. How we are still alive at this point, I do not know. I turn around and bump straight into Wwit.
He asks me if he can come over tonight.
I laugh at him and ask him if he is mentally disturbed, really naive, or if he is suffering from one night amnesia.
Apparently this is about as amusing as laughing at someone who is naked in your bed.
he tells me that he had a great time, until I passed out.
I inform him that I passed out because he was such a stud.
this sarcasm was not well received. by not well received, i mean he thought i was serious.
he informs me that if i enjoyed last weekend, i would enjoy tonight even more.
i double over in laughter.
he tells me laughter is not a turn on.
NEITHER ARE YOU, i yell. before puking on his shoes.****

*stands for what was i thinking.
**this may or may not have been done on purpose
***how exactly do they make it green? I try not to think about this....
****For the record, that was the second time in my entire life I have ever vomited while drinking. The first time I later found out that I had the stomach flu.


This is why I avoid. Confrontation does not suit me.